Oh, I'm terribly sorry
I didn't see you there
How may I help you?
Uh, I'm looking for, uh, Carl Sack
I'm Carl Sack
You're Carl Sack?
At your service
Full service
Um, I've seen photographs of Mr Sack and
I look shorter in person and fatter and
Hello, Denny
I'm Carl Sack
He's got the mad cow
- I'm Jenny Pratt - It makes him think he's Carl
Yes Um, let's go to my office
Okay
There were a dozen eyewitnesses, and they all tell the same story
Dwayne Willis was brought in a little before 9:00 p m
They strapped him down on the table
and hooked up the two IVs, one in each arm
The first drug is supposed to render the condemned man unconscious
It didn't
It was now 10 past 9:00
The drugs had been going into him for nearly ten minutes
That's when officer Holt started getting worried More time goes by
Willis has been hooked up to the drip for 20 minutes now
He's still conscious
An argument breaks out
The tech wants to pull the IVs out and try again
Another guard says no, just increase the dosage
Then Willis starts thrashing around
His chest is heaving ,He is gasping, choking It's horrifying
And Holt says, "do something" but nobody knows what to do
Willis has been hooked up for a half-hour now
He's not even unconscious
He's gagging and thrashing, and that's when Holt just snapped
I don't know!
He fired one round into Willis' head
Willis died instantly
He's charged with murder two,
but the DA is willing to knock it down to manslaughter,
only Holt won't take the deal
- Ms Pratt - Jenny
There must be many lawyers in Virginia who could do this
Yeah, I need an advocate
who can speak forcefully against the death penalty itself
Jenny, whatever one's feelings are on the death penalty
For it
It's moot here
Your client
carried out a death sentence, albeit in a unique fashion
But the legal issue is also unique
I mean, is it even possible to murder a man who's being executed?
Double homicide Happens all the time
A double homicide is when two people are killed, Denny
What's your point?
Listen, Jenny, I'm not s
Carl, Virginia is a swing state, and I've always wanted to swing
- Denny - Carl, we need to bond
Hell, man, this is our last season
If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's never, ever say no to a road trip
I just couldn't watch him suffer anymore
If I had to do it over again, I'd do the same thing
You only fired the one shot?
Yes
We could go with defense of others,
but since you went into the room to participate in executing the man,
- I don't think that - I didn't go in to torture him
Another approach, uh, would be a version of diminished capacity
You were overcome with compassion
In Virginia?
Moreover, your years of witnessing executions could have taken a mental toll
I'm not arguing that
Um, how about
simple temporary insanity? You saw a man suffering You snapped You w
No! I knew exactly what I did while I was doing it
I'd do it again
We don't have a lot to go with here
I won't say I was insane
You want us to just cut him loose?
You make it sound as if he's strung up somewhere
Let's not get ahead of ourselves
Mr Sack, uh, you're a stranger here
I knew it They plan to play the stranger card
Aren't we all brothers, my friend?
- This is a very serious matter - Yes, it is
So I thought perhaps we could be serious for a second
You don't mean to tell a jury of your fellow Virginians that shooting a man
the Commonwealth was in the process of killing
was murder or manslaughter or in fact any crime at all?
It was a crime, according to the law
Understood, but a DA has discretion whether to charge, do they not?
- Good ones do - Well, he looks good
- He looks great - Best I've seen
Me, too
Look
I am not dismissing the charges
He is going on trial for murder
You're not my brother anymore,
which I believe leaves me free to have sex with your sister
We try to make our cases fun
I can't thank you enough for seeing me, Alan
Please
So I hear you've become quite the busy man these days, huh?
Big lawyer
- A celebrity of sorts? - Oh, well, no
Well, you look great
- Thank you - Yeah
You know, I always figured you to age fat and bald
Well, I was lucky enough to stave off the evil that so ages men
Which is?
Marriage
What's up, Mar
Well, unfortunately, I was fired from my job
- Aw - Yeah
A very good job, I might add
I was district sales manager for a software company,
in line to become regional sales manager
Now I know that this may be hard to prove,
but I think I got fired because I voted for John McCain
My boss and I, we got into this big fight over the election
And as soon as I told him who I voted for,
he just got this look of disgust on his face, as
not entirely dissimilar to the expression on your face at the moment
But anyway, uh, so he fired me
Did he, uh, give you a reason?
No No, they don't have to give a reason anymore
They're advised by their labor lawyers not to
But I know it was because I voted for McCain
I can feel it in my bones, Alan
And the prisoner started gasping for breath and moving around on the table
Is that uncommon?
It's happened before
No two lethal injections ever seem to go exactly the same way
There was a lot of screaming and yelling
Officer Holt became very
upset
Then he suddenly pulled out his gun and shot the prisoner in the head
Are you familiar with the case Emmett v Johnson?
I've heard of it
Something like lethal injection is cruel and barbaric
Something like
According to briefs filed in that case,
Virginia's method in particular carries a greater risk of inflicting pain
than the method used in Kentucky,
which the Supreme Court approved
Our methods are substantially the same
The briefing includes evidence that members of the death team,
including, I assume, you, don't understand how the drugs work,
don't know how to properly administer an IV
and don't know how to correctly observe the inmate during the execution
to determine if anything is going wrong
That's that's an argument in a lawsuit
There's another argument on the other side Why don't you read that?
Oh, I'm
are you aware that a prominent medical society
has found Virginia's method of execution unacceptable?
I know doctors have an issue with the death penalty in general,
so it wouldn't surprise me if some physicians' group said that
Neither would I,
except the group I'm referring to
happens to be the American Veterinary Medical Association
Some vets have banned your lethal injection protocol
because the method Virginia uses on humans
is considered too barbaric to be used on cats and dogs
Objection
The AVMA has said that their report was misinterpreted
Sustained
Mr Sack, this case is not about the legitimacy of the death penalty
And if that's where you're coming from,
you can tuck in your little tail and head on back to Massachusetts
Your honor, I'm very proud of my home state
home of the Red Sox, the Patriots, Mitt
We take our laws here in Virginia very seriously, sir
Do you take this case seriously?
Show of hands Because, you know, it is a bit silly
- Objection - There's a man on trial here
for trying to kill somebody the state was already killing
If anything, my client accomplished the death penalty
Mr Sack
the legitimacy of which I certainly would never question,
particularly in Virginia
- Your honor! - Mr Sack
Oh, how about torture? Are we for that?
- I'm warning you - Because this man was being tortured
- That's why my client pulled the trigger - Objection, your honor!
- Order Order! Order! Objection! - To spare horrendous suffering!
Get control of the room, will you, judge?
Bailiff
Blank What's his problem?
How'd you even get the gun in the courtroom?
Oh, please
Denny
- What are you doing? - Will you relax?
Like I said, firstly, it was blank, secondly
This is Virginia
My approval rating went up in that room I'm a hero to those people
I couldn't be more popular if I got kids to smoke cigarettes
Carl, don't leave me here I can't swing in here
Alan's way more fun
I appreciate you making the time to see me
Oh, sure Well, actually, my lawyer told me not to see you,
but I never listen to him anyway
No, you certainly didn't bother to consult with him before firing Martha
Nice try
Why did you fire her, Mr Feldcamp?
It wasn't working out
How so?
Oh, hard to say You know, as an employer, you sometimes get a feel for an employee,
and with Martha hard worker, but she was never gonna make the next step,
and in this company, you either move up or you move out
Martha's of the impression that you fired her
because she voted for John McCain in the election
She's mistaken
Look, I voted for McCain, all right?
Martha simply wasn't working out
There must be a reason you didn't think she was working out
If I have to depose you to force an answer, I can do so,
but you seem to be rather forthcoming,
so why not just tell me now?
Okay
She's stupid
And as for evidence of her stupidity?
Oh, god, I could cite many
Cite one
She voted for McCain
You said you voted for him
Mm-hmm Yeah, I did
I voted for him because I like his policies on nuclear energy,
because I believed he'd make a better commander in chief in times of war,
because I trusted his experience
But Martha voted for McCain because she found Sarah Palin to be spunky
So you admit you fired her because of who she voted for
No, I fired her because she is stupid
Look, I got a bad feeling about her, you know?
It's plain and simple
I'm starting to get a bad feeling about you
Well, then it's lucky for me that you're not my boss
Look, are we done?
No, I'm afraid we're not done
Rather, it seems we're just beginning
Look, Mr Shore, I fire people all the time, and some of them go on to sue me
This is an at-will employment here It's my will
So if you want to file a lawsuit, join the club
Oh, I'm not a member of any club, I assure you
I tend to stick out I don't mind It makes me more memorable
You'll rember me, Mr Feldcamp
Yeah, don't let the door hit you on the way out
First is sodium thiopental, which is a barbiturate
Next comes pancuronium bromide,
a muscle relaxant that paralyzes the diaphragm and thus stops breathing
Then potasum chloride is injected, and that stops the heart
But that's not what happened here
Not exactly
What did happen?
Well, the technician who started
the IV on the prisoner missed the vein in one arm,
and in the other arm,
he stuck the needle through the prisoner's vein and into his muscle tissue
Do you know of other botched executions using the lethal injection method?
There have been too many to list
This is something that should be done by doctors,
but doctors refuse to do it on ethical grounds
But, I mean, to be fair,
in most instances where lethal injection is used,
the condemned man just sort of drifts off to a legal sleep without incident
It's more likely that the paralytic agent
simply prevents prisoners from communicating
In fact, they could be suffocating,
suffering excruciating pain during the procedure
They're just unable to scream
How many of these so-called botched executions occurred in Virginia?
One
And the supreme court has approved
the method of lethal injection used in the Commonwealth of Virginia?
And we know they're such sticklers
Mr Sack, I will hold you in contempt
And the supreme court has not approved
prison guards shooting condemned prisoners
Has anybody asked them?
Now look, we all know things went wrong here
That's not the point
I will repeat, the question here is,
do we simply give prison guards the right to just whip out their guns
and blast away?
Well, thank you, your honor,
for framing the issue in such a neutral and impartial way
Why do you need my help?
Well, I don't probably it's just Denny's out of town and
Will you give up, ever?
I have no one to share private thoughts with tonight on the balcony
Shirley, this man Feldcamp the unfettered, smug arrogance
he could almost make Rudy Giuliani seem humble
Come on It'll be fun
He really fired her because of how she voted?
Well, he's claiming it's stupidity, but yes, I think he did
And what exactly would my role be?
Why do you say it with such distrust?
Because I can smell a dog on the sniff
Don't be ridiculous
You're almost old enough to be my mother or one of my mother's friends
the one who used to sunbathe naked by the pool
So you want to march into court tomorrow,
the two of us side by side, and fight for a woman who
Who voted for John McCain
He all but admitted to me, your honor,
that he fired her because she voted for John McCain
He made no such admission The basis was her stupidity
Yes, and the evidence of that was her vote
Look, they got into a big political debate three days before
during which, the plaintiff further displayed a complete lack of intellect,
which prompted my client
Because she didn't share your client's political point of view
My client voted for McCain
Your honor, my client is a republican who was happy with Ms
Headly's vote, but nonetheless, could not ignore that she was
Well, dumb
- How dare you? - Ms Headly
He just called me dumb and stupid
Ms Headly
Mr Davidson, as I read the affidavit,
it does seem like she was fired for her political opinions
Free speech is not a right in the workplace
People arer hired for their opinions and perceived intellect
that's why we have interviews,
to determine whether we like what comes out of their mouths
Listen, the fact is, this woman did get hired,
and then she was discharged for exactly as you say,
your honor, her political opinion
All right, I want to hear Ms Headly on the stand,
and I want to hear exactly how this went down
Let's go
It seemed like
I don't know, like
like it had gone past the point of torture even
I- I just
I couldn't watch him suffer anymore
So I, um
I took him out
Did you stop to think, sir, that you were breaking the law by
No, no, no, no, no
All I could see w- was a person suffering, just way beyond the point of
it was inhumane
Somebody had to do something
I yelled at the others, but they just stood there, so
it just wasn't right
You decided all by yourself to take a human life
No, the the man was dying anyway I made the decision to be humane about it
I see
I've prosecuted two doctors who made the same decision
They had terminal patients in agony, so they decided to hasten their deaths
In fact, I believe your family faced a similar situation
You had an aunt who was dying of ovarian cancer Am I right?
Yes
And there were those in your family
who wanted to put her on a morphine drip to speed things up
because she was suffering so
Is that true?
Yes
What was your position there?
Do you remember?
I was against it
You thought it was murder, didn't you?
You told your mother and the doctor,
"only god gets to make that call "
Do you now amend that to god and correctional officers?
We got into this huge argument on nuclear energy
I'm against, and he's for it
Now that argument somehow got replaced by some brough-ha-ha on the war
I'm against it, and he's for it
And that segued into taxes,
and he doesn't think he should have to pay any,
- and I said to him that if he - So you had a lot of political differences?
Yes Yes
Well, then the very next day,
after I did inform him that I voted for McCain,
he called me a complete idiot
Uh, Mr Feldcamp called you an idiot?
A complete one
And then what happened?
Well, not long after that,
he walked into my office and he fired me
Have you ever had any yearly reviews
with respect to your employment with Mr Feldcamp?
Yes
How'd they go?
Okay
He said I could perform better and he said sales could be higher
But in this economy? Come on
You know that
It's bad everywhere
I mean, it's, like, the number one problem in this country right now
So you consider the economy to be the number one problem in the country?
Yes, I do
If I may ask, how does John McCains economical policy differ from Barack Obama's?
Taxes
and, um
well I'm not exactly sure about it, to be honest
Well, if you consider it to be the number one problem in the country
Look, even despite how they all say they'll be different,
they all do the same thing once they get elected
Come on You know that
You were an ardent Hillary Clinton supporter, were you not?
Yes, I was, proudly
And according to your coworkers,
you crossed over to McCain primarily because of Sarah Palin
Yes
Because her policies were consistent with Hillary's?
Because I was impressed with her
And because she strikes me as a real american,
which is what this country needs
And you liked her spunk
And the country needs spunk, too, yes
I don't have a good feeling on this one, Denny
Virginia is not being nice to me
A little constructive criticism?
Okay
You're not very good
Thanks for keeping it constructive
Well, you're making this a referendum on the death penalty
You gotta get it through that liberal, democrat skull
americans love the death penalty
We do?
Yeah, especially these parts
Hillary and Obama,
you know those pinko-heads couldn't really be pro-death penalty,
but they claim they aren't
and in fact,
almost everyone who runs for president miraculously is for the death penalty
Why?
'Cause this is the US of A
death penalty rules
Flip the switch, ready, aim, fire, turn up the gas
it's who we are as a people
Hell, you you heard it at the republican convention
Kill, baby, kill
It's our mantra, Carl
I thought republicans were pro-life
That's for babies Criminals we kill
You're going about this ass backwards
The argument you want to make to the jury is this
that, uh, uh, Willis guy,
he wasn't dying the way he was supposed to
After receiving the injection,
the bastard refused to choke out
So our client finished him off
Job done, game over, bang
Preston Holt, american hero
Kill, baby, kill
Do you think
Martha and Sarah and Joe the
is he an electrician?
Plumber, unlicensed
Are are they the real americans?
Not necessarily
I think that's what this election just proved,
that real americans aren't just rural and white
The portrait of real americans has been redrawn in this election
Real americans are of all ages, races, ethnicities
they live in cities and apartments as well as
Farms I
We have a president-elect who fits into no
category or demographic whatsoever other than he's an american
God, I wept that night
Did you?
No, I just
watched and watched and
didn't want the night to end
I already miss Sarah Palin, though
She was fun while she lasted
I hope they let her keep the wardrobe
I still have to say though as heartened as I am by the election and by America
What?
Martha's a little bit of an idiot
Shirley, almost 47% of this country didn't vote for Obama,
perhaps because they disagreed with him on the issues, which is fine
But some, no doubt,
because they thought he was muslim with terrorists on his speed dial,
and others because th-they were convinced he was not only socialist,
but even worse, a bad bowler,
and others still because they simply
loved those cream-colored jackets Sarah may have to give back
But there's one thing all those idiots have in common
What?
They still get to vote
What?
Sorry
Just looking at you under a gently lit sky with
sharing the same oral fixation Denny and I
Is it a little game, Alan, or or are you really sexually attracted to me?
I'm sexually attracted to you
I'm in my 60s
Well, first of all, you're beautiful
And second, your intellect is
dazzling
And third, I've seen the naked pictures of you
- Oh, right - Let's not discuss the cheerleader outfit
Oh
So if I
if I wanted to go there, you'd go there?
In a second
Oh, if only Obama had picked you as vice president
what a world we'd have then
Look
I can see the defendant's point
The man was dying anyway
What's the big deal?
Well
what about the doctor or the hospice worker
who wants to speed the death of that cancer patient dying in agony?
Or what about the nurses who opt to withhold treatment
from those severely retarded infants who only face a lifetime of misery?
We don't go down that path
We don't start measuring the quality of people's lives
to decide whether or not they live
The defendant took the law into his own hands
and murdered somebody
Nobody gets the right to do that
Whether the person is on death row,
whether a person has a day left to live, an hour or even a minute
you don't get to shoot somebody
That's the law
because of a presumed sanctity of human life?
That sanctity was off the table here
The life was being executed by the state
Uh, forgive me,
but you know what I think is really going on
is this man doesn't like capital punishment,
and he's trying to bring scrutiny upon it
It's the only possible explanation
If he can get you to say this execution was wrong,
well, that's one step from saying,
"gee, maybe executions are wrong "
That's ridiculous
More ridiculous than accusing a man of murdering someone who was being executed?
Let's not kid ourselves
There are those out there trying to get rid of capital punishment
and I would suspect they have to be tricky
because they know we the people are overwhelmingly for it
We the people know the death penalty is one of the things that makes America
well, America
Not many countries have it, you know?
We're we're the only westernized country left
And it's not easy being in the company of Iraq,
China, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Sudan
And I'll admit,
the reasons for abolishing capital punishment are compelling
It costs us hundreds of millions of dollars,
up to six times more than life imprisonment
It doesn't seem to deter crime
Murder rates are actually lower in non-death-penalty states
It's well-known
Canada's homicide rate fell 40% after they abolished the death penalty
We botch executions a lot
Medical evidence now shows that even when they go off without a hitch,
the executed suffer perhaps excruciating pain
There are many reasons to do away with capital punishment
but we don't because, let's face it, the death penalty?
It's who we are as a people
We're an eye-for-an-eye kind of nation, and we don't have to apologize for it
Listen, if somebody killed my son
we believe in executing murderers
it's justice
The only thing my client did here was carry out the state's mission
It makes no sense to be prosecuting him
The only conceivable explanation is that
this man is insidiously trying to bring scrutiny on the death penalty
because he secretly is against it
No, look, as I said to her lawyer over there, I like Martha Headly
Nice lady
But my god, sales is about selling, it's about relating to people
She doesn't even read the newspaper
Well, George Bush doesn't read the paper
I'd never hire George Bush
Would anybody?
And yet you voted for John McCain, who supports
No, no, no, no, no this is not about politics
This is about being smart or not smart, and she is the latter
But, Mr Feldcamp, to be fair,
you're basing your conclusion on her political opinion
No, what I'm saying is that whatever your opinion is about anything,
at least be able to defend it,
and failing that,
articulate it
Martha's never been the brightest bulb in the tanning booth,
but when she talks politics, I, you know, I just cringe
I go, "how can I have a person like that working for me?"
Well, guess what My company
I don't have to
Do you make all your employees defend their political beliefs?
Not all my employees launch into them
But had she defended hers better, she might
Look, look, look, for 16 months,
she just went prancing around talking Hillary, Hillary, Hillary, Hillary,
and then she railed against Obama's inexperience all throughout the primaries,
and then out comes some moose hunter from Alaska
she knows nothing about Sarah Palin or about John McCain
What does that say about her?
- Sarah? - No
Hillary?
Her!
What does it say about a person who can be so arbitrary, so fice?
And this is about stuff she actually felt strongly about
I'll tell you what it says
She is an idiot
You know, let somebody else hire her
I don't think it'll be you
How dare you let him go off on me like that in a courtroom
- I didn't let him go off I was - Yes, you did
He was bellowing that I was an idiot,
and you just sat there,
and so did you
Of all people
Now wait What's that supposed to mean?
It means that it was blatant sexism
And I expected more from a person of your caliber
Now hold on here
Is that the kind of lawyer you are?
Is that the kind of woman?
Honey, the sexist in all this is you
- Me? - Yeah
You claim to be a staunch Hillary Clinton supporter
You you walked into that booth and voted against everything Hillary stands for,
and why?
Because the republicans added to their ticket someone they referred
to at the convention as "the hot chick "
Oh
So you just sit quiet and let me get brutalized on the stand
I sat there for two reasons
First, there was no valid objection to be made
And second?
You are an idiot
At-will employment means exactly that, your honor
At the employer's will
Certainly, we can't fire anybody for race or ethnicity
But, well, intellect or a person's lack of it?
Bosses fire people all the time for that
But, Mr Davidson,
to fire someone for their political opinion is still
Your honor, if I may,
that's one way to look at this
The other way
are we saying that stupidity can never be grounds for discharge
when it's cloaked in political content?
He's the boss
It's his company
So as long as he stays within the law,
he gets to hire and fire who he wants
The unassailable right to vote is the core principle of any democracy
And people have the right to cast their ballot for whomever they want
for good reasons or for bad reasons or for no reason at all
Let's face it, your honor,
we as a nation are horribly uninformed when it comes to politics
Approximately one-third of the people in this country, people of voting age,
couldn't tell you the name of our current Vice President
Now admittedly, some of us like to block it out,
but even so, only two in five adult americans know we have three branches of government
and Mr Feldcamp expects his employees
to actually know the political issues of the day?
Well, today our news programs consist solely
of sensational headlines and sound bites
People forego newspapers for the internet,
where instead of relying on credentialed journalists,
they turn to these bloggers sort of entry-level life-forms
that intellectually have yet to emerge from the primordial ooze
This is how we've gotten the elected officials we've gotten
We've never really cared about issues
Come on
We're more concerned with how Hillary looks in a pantsuit or whether Barack can bowl
We don't always go for the best or the brightest
We elect the guy we'd most like to have a beer with or the gal we'd most like
to feel up in the back of the car
Now I certainly wouldn't pick my airline pilot that way or my accountant or doctor,
but for my President, so often, it's,
"give me the blue-collar, lunch-bucket,
good ol' boy who fits in best at the pancake breakfast "
The problem with Mr Feldcamp,
and forgive me,
I hesitate to say this about anybody, but he's an elitist
Objection
I realize that's much worse than being called stupid
Mr Shore,
Let's stay on message
The message is, we vote for who we like
It's as simple as that We don't need to have a reason
It's as simple as that
The founding fathers did not form a meritocracy
This is a democracy We can be as stupid as we choose
We're americans We're as simple as that
All right Look
I don't like it
But just as we don't get into why a person voted the way he or she did,
nor do we get into why a boss terminates somebody in an at-will
Whoa, whoa, wait It sounds like I'm losing
Your motion for an injunctive relief is denied
If she wants to sue for lost wages, I can't stop her
But we're done here We are adjourned
I'm sorry, Martha
You didn't try hard enough
That's what happened
I'll be suing you next
I never liked you
She seemed much more fun in high school
Oh, well
Shirley, in anticipation of winning,
I booked a little celebration dinner at the Ritz
The restaurant that comes equipped with private rooms
should we have too much celebratory wine
Shirley, one's life is a sum of his or her experiences
Okay, Alan
Oh
With Denny's permission
- What? Why do you need - Because I do
Till then
I'll be waiting
Has the jury reached a verdict?
We have your honor
How say you?
"In the matter of the Commonwealth of Virginia "vs Preston Holt
"on the charge of murder in the second degree,
"we find the defendant not guilty "
The court thanks you for your service
The defendant is free to go We are adjourned
Thank you, Mr Sack
Uh, you're welcome
I wasn't exactly sure of your strategy there, but
not to worry Neither was I
Thank you, Mr Crane
You're welcome, son
Do you think it's odd that when running for office,
having an ivy league education is considered a liability?
No You don't?
No, a Harvard grad took us into Vietnam,
a Yale grad bought us Iraq We've learned our lesson
Denny
between you and me, do we really think he made it through Yale?
With a little help
Denny, there's
something a little
well, delicate I've been meaning to discuss
What?
Well, they say as a man
ages,
he eventually sits alone with nothing but his memories
I'm concerned that
well, with the
mad cow,
y- you could possibly be robbed of your memories in the end
And what a horrible thing,
not being able to even recollect the things
that brought you your most profound joy
Making love to Shirley
how sad if one day
you weren't able to remember all the
wonders of Shirley, how she
smelled, how she tasted, how
I was thinking
if that day ever came, and you no longer
it would be great if I could tell you about it to help you remember
Maybe I should make love with Shirley once, just so I'd know
You're pathetic
Exploiting my mad cow
just so you could get in the sack with Shirley?
All right
I can't believe you just did that
Waltzing me down mad cow lane where there's no memory lane just so you
All right
Here's where your logic failed, Alan
First of all, I'll never be alone because I got you
Secondly, I could never forget what it was like to be with Shirley
because there was a magic there that no man could never forget
In fact, there's a chance
that it'll be the last memory I'll have in the end
It could be the only thing I'll talk about in the end
All day long
every day
I'll tell you about it
I'll tell you
how we moved together as one one night on the beach in Nantucket
how her breasts were as soft and as pure as a baby's behind
- You really are cruel - Yes, I am
Cruel enough to shoot you if you so much as look at Shirley
I need a new woman to objectify
What do you think of Sarah Palin?
Oh, those pouty lips
and the those down-to-earth, slutty good looks
I've got two things to say about Sarah Palin
right here
right now
You're an angry sexist
Why do you ask then?
Just wondering aloud
What about Shirley and Sarah
together?
Who wouldn't for for that